At the end of the first quarter, while thriving in most areas of my life, a part of me would die every night and over the weekends, lying in my bed under the covers. For the past ten years, I had faithfully kept this date with my phone. A few times, I had tried to break free from this relationship and say goodbye, only to fall back into it even harder and deeper. By the time I came across Ruth’s podcast episode, I was deeply entrenched, believing I was beyond saving. It felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, with no control and no option other than to jump and accept my fate. Survival didn’t seem possible. When Ruth responded to my email, I remember thinking, “Honor this meeting because I’m the one who reached out.” Yet, deep down, I didn’t believe anything would change. I thought, “What could she possibly say that I don’t already know?” At the time, I believed my biggest struggle was the conflict between my faith and what I had chosen to accept about pornography and masturbation. I had grown up in the church, given my life to Christ, and knew all the Christian responses to “these issues”: “God loves you,” “No sin can separate you from the love of Christ,” “Christ died for us while we were still sinners.” I knew exactly what to say and when to say it. In my mind, I had convinced myself that what gave me pleasure was something I just needed to embrace. As a single woman, I saw it as simply exploring my body. Since that first email to Ruth, we’ve met every week. A few months later, I realized that, while I knew the Word, I didn’t truly believe it. I didn’t believe in God’s power to help me overcome this addiction, and most importantly, I didn’t truly know God’s character. This, for me, has been the greatest gift from my time with Ruth. She has introduced me to God as the loving Father. Now, I tell Ruth that the biggest change for me is that my first instinct is to run to God for help right away, instead of waiting until after the fact to ask for forgiveness. “Arrow prayers” have become my default, and I now understand that God’s help is not limited to “big problems.” Ruth has listened with kindness and I found great comfort in knowing that she has walked a similar path and emerged victorious. I’ve been equipped with materials that have helped me understand God’s true design for sex, as well as the cycle of addiction and recovery. I now know how to identify my triggers, and I’ve managed to avoid a few slips. On the days when I do slip, I no longer fall into a deep cycle of shame and depression. I talk to God, and He listens. Hope is being restored, and I am slowly walking out of the dungeon and towards God’s outstretched hand.